In Vella's instruction she doesn't tackle arguments in the home, obviously, but she does make some excellent points about the way to listen effectively. Here's the short version: Shush.
Before we get into an expanded definition of that word, you might want to view a short video that beautifully illustrates a failure to listen -- from the child's perspective, of course.
Avoid interrupting. How often have you been having a conversation, or trying to, when you were stopped mid-sentence with an answer to a question you didn't ask? With a response that was, in fact, a non-sequitur to your complete thought? What does this tell you? Likely, it says, "What I have to say is more important than what you were thinking." Would this foster learning? A safe environment? Open conversation? When your learner is trying to communicate, it is disrespectful to insert your comments prematurely.
In my organization, we are expected to treat each other with dignity and respect. To that end, Vella notes, "Listening without interrupting is a simple structure for ensuring respect" (p. 92). How hard can that be? Harder for some than others, but it is worth the effort.
Be still. I've heard over the years that our non-verbal communication is 93% of the total. Even if you don't speak, your body may be doing the talking. Chill, babe. If you look like American Pharoah in the starting gate, your learner may suspect you aren't engaging in active listening. Someone might even think you are simply waiting for your turn to talk, and you aren't listening at all. Perish the thought.
Another facet of being still is that sometimes people just need time to process. Sometimes it's easier to think without the chatter. Sometimes, the ideas in their heads just need a little space to draw their own conclusions before the learners are ready and willing to share and ask for feedback.
Just be there. My paternal grandmother was better at this than anyone I have ever known. She didn't talk much, but she didn't need to. It was enough that she was there if I needed her. Keats called this negative capability, and believed that it represented "supreme empathy."* That is, I suppose, another way to say that someone's perception is his reality. You cannot necessarily explain the thoughts of another in a way that seems rational to you. Sometimes you can only listen and try to understand. Comment when you are asked to do so.
Sometimes to be more effective, you just need to be still. And. Shut. It.